Hello? Helllooo...??

I'm feeling a rant coming on. Nothing particular has happened, I just feel ranty. It doesn't help that Aunt Flo has arrived with a vengeance and is wreaking havoc with the grouchizine centres of my brain. Yes, I made that up. You wanna go? Oh, we'll go.

So here's my beef: I hate talking on the phone. I don't mind at work because no one ever wants to talk to me but at home I cringe when the phone rings. I wield my call display function like a weapon. If I don't recognise the name or number you're dead to me. If you call during dinner, Coronation Street or So You Think You Can Dance, be prepared to leave a message. Are you calling after 9pm? Wondering where we all are at that time of night? We're all squinting at the phone trying to see who you are but making no move to answer.

You know what's worse? People who call for no reason. People who just "want to catch up". Um... I keep a daily blog. I twitter. I Facebook. I email. I text. Enough of my life is "out there". I have nothing new to say to you. I may love you but 80% of the time while we're talking I'm watching tv, washing dishes, folding clothes, cleaning or writing a blog all about not wanting to talk to you. The other 20% I spend making "I'm listening" noises and mirroring things you say to make it sound like I'm listening. How do you know when I am actually listening? I'll ask you questions. No questions, no attention. Also, I'll start topics. This is how my friend Kathy and I can easily spend 90 minutes on an overseas call. She's the only person I really look forward to talking to. In fact, call me this weekend, Kathy!

So don't call me to catch up. Send me an email. Please for the love of God. I write so well. At least in writing I will give you my full attention. And I don't have to experience that awkwardness when I'm trying to hang up on you.

For your edification, here's what I here's what I will say to you when I want to ring off:

1. "I'll let you get back to what you were doing" (even though you called me);

2. "Well, it was nice hearing from you" (it actually wasn't... I'm grumpy now);

3. "Thanks for calling, we'll talk soon" (inside I'm saying: "next time don't call unless you have a particular reason, check out my blog if you need mindless blathering")

Wow, I just read that back and it sounds super harsh. But the grouchizine is making me press "publish post", anyway so...

kxx